I am long overdue for an update on my health. I’m not even sure where to start and I admit that I have major writer’s block, both mentally and physically. So with that disclaimer, here we go…

 

Back in March, I started having growing nerve pain on my left side. After having an MRI it was determined by the doctor that I needed to go to the hospital right away for steroids to help with the inflammation surrounding part of my spinal cord. I was told that the cancer had spread and grown inside my spinal cord and surgery would be necessary to remove the cancer and hopefully remedy the pain. This felt like insult to injury and I had a hard time processing the diagnosis and proposed plan. 

 

After a lot of tears, and discussion with my sister and God, I decided to move forward with the surgery. I had also been told around this time that we were out of treatment options and at this point, the disease would spread more rapidly. Just great. Exactly the news I was hoping for. What I didn’t see coming is how God met me in my fear and he promises never to leave us. And while my fear wasn’t completely removed, God gave me the peace and joy I needed to get through a very difficult procedure.

 

I stayed in the hospital for several days after the surgery. It went well and thankfully the only blowback is limited use of my left hand. This is for sure frustrating, to say the least, but with all the things that could have gone wrong, I’m thankful. Recovery happened slowly and took about 3-4 months. 

 

At this point, cancer has spread throughout my body. It has set up shop in some important organs (liver, lungs, stomach), brain and quite a few bones throughout; this is all really hard to wrap my head around. The pathology that came out of the cancer that was removed during surgery opened the door for me to try 2 more drugs. I have tried one of them and it was not helpful against the cancer. I am on the second one now, but it is too soon to tell. 

 

Sometimes it is really hard to accept that this is my life, but here we are. I don’t really question “why me?”, because why not me or why anyone, but I do struggle with the unknown. The how’s and when’s try their best to pull my eyes away from My Savior. I would like things to be easier now, but the bible tells me that I am not lost or forgotten and that I will be with Jesus for eternity. There will be no more tears or hurt, but instead great praise to God for his never-ending glory and love.

 

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be morning, crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:21:4 

This is HOPE for my future!

 

In the meantime, God is holding tight to me and he reminds me that I can do what James urges us to do:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

So with my heart full of his goodness, I can say yes to God and Amen to his will for my life.