Hello Friend. Thank you for reading. I think I had a dream that I updated my blog more recently; I cannot believe it was back in November! Time is a funny thing. Last year at this time I was in the middle of chemo and time dragged so slowly. I felt like it would never end. And now, a year later, the days are flying by as I prepare to return to work. I'll be honest, I am nervous. But I know it is time.
I finished radiation in mid-December and by the end I was very tired, burned and had the general feeling of being hit by a truck (or, at least what I imagine it would feel like---thank God I don't actually know what that feels like!). Over Christmas and New Year I went to Illinois and spent time with my family and worked on recovering.
After I healed somewhat from radiation, I met with my plastic surgeon in late January. At that time it was decided that I needed another surgery because things were not healing they way they should. You can imagine my excitement. One of the hardest parts of treatment was physically getting knocked down just when I started to get back up on my feet. After 3 surgeries, 8 rounds of chemo and 25 radiation sessions, I remember sitting in my counselor's office, doing the ugly cry, and saying "I just can't take it anymore. I am really starting to lose it." And I was. But thankfully the sun came up the next day, and the next, and I listened to the album, "A Table Full of Strangers", by Jason Upton on repeat. Specifically song #6. I healed and 6 weeks after surgery I was allow to lift things over 10 pounds, run, etc., and I started to feel alive again.
At church we have been going through the seasons. In the winter we talked about the snow being a metaphor for God's covering in or lives to protect and prepare us to grow. The snow has all melted here and everywhere are signs of growth and new life. Everything that appeared to be dead is now coming to life. The other day I said to my friend, somewhat panicked, "I'm not ready! I don't know how to come back to life..." and she so kindly smiled and said to me, "But you can. And you will. And it will be awesome." I repeat those words to myself often. God is slowly bringing me into spring.
I read a quote today that I really like, "All your past except its beauty is gone, and nothing is left but a blessing", Marianne Williamson. I would like to remember those words.
So back to work I go...this Tuesday. I fly to Dallas on Tuesday for a training class that will last about a week, then I will be back home for 5 days and then leave again for more training. Allstate, my boss and coworkers have been incredible to me throughout all of this and I am so,so thankful. It is an odd feeling going back. It feels familiar yet very different at the same time. But I guess that is to be expected because things are very different.
I know this post is not so light hearted, but I still wanted to share these things with you. Winter was long and hard. Spring has not exactly sprung, but is slowly coming back to my life. Believe me when I say, I CANNOT WAIT FOR SUMMER!!!
:) xoxo
